She must have fired her stylist...

Apparently Jessica Simpson didn't get the memo about clothes that flatter her body.  It seems like just yesterday that she was charming the world on Newlyweds. It seems that her fashion sense went out the window as well as her petite figure. I cant quite figure out this dress.... Is it a tank top or long sleeves?

Why.....

This is one of the professional dancers from Dancing with the Stars.  Is it just me or do dancers wear the most ridiculous outfits ever?  Wearing comfortable clothes does not mean you need to dress like a fool.  The new season starts soon so watch out for 2 hours a week of hideous outfits.

We have all had these moments...

My biggest 'Oh Shit' moment happened about a year ago.  I had won a fish from the fair (rightfully named Farrah) and did not put the fish tank far enough out of reach from my roommates cat.  When I returned home from work the next day, the fish tank was upside down on the floor and my new pet fish was sadly laying still across the room. The culprit (cat) was just sitting next to it waiting for it to do a trick or something.  I quickly grabbed a paper towel to flush Farrah and much to my surprise, when I picked her up she started flopping around! The moral of the story is that goldfish are much smarter than we give them credit for.  Farrah had managed to play dead for several hours to avoid being someones dinner.  Farrah happily live another year. I know, surprising for a fish from the fair.

Look closely....

It is a proven fact that Heidi Montag has had a nose job.  However, something must have gone wrong in this case because it appears as if it is now about to fall off.  My question is this.... If Michael Jackson didn't have a nose job, why did his nose look the exact same?  I'm not a detective or anything, but this seems fishy....

Just stating the obvious...

Angelina Jolie recently stated that she doesn't have any friends..... no kidding.  I am still unable to get over the home wrecker in her so I will not be signing up to befriend her anytime soon. 

PS. You don't have time for friends! Go play with your 30 children. 

This is real...

This billboard is posted all over LA and other major cities.  I'm not sure how I feel about this. Lets just say I am very grateful that I don't have a six year old child that could ask me what a virgin is when they saw it. talk about awkward! 

As for advertising, this is very clever.  This billboard is  an ad for a movie coming out next weekend. If you call the number (received 70,000 calls within the first day) you will hear a recording of the actors from the film giving advice.  I love it!

I thought it was gum....

Paris Hilton was arrested for possession of cocaine recently.  Don't worry everyone, it wasn't hers!.  She borrowed a friends purse and it was left in the bag.  Something sounds fishy about this story... who leaves cocaine in their purse?  I am fairly certain that the owner of the purse would have finished it off before lending it out.  borrowing purses anyways.  Buy your own, you are Paris Hilton.   Next time why don't you tell the cops that you were unaware that it was illegal.  This would at least be believable.  Good luck with your life....

I've been thinking...

Coffee, for me, is a must! If I do not consume any within the hour upon waking, two things may happen.

1. I get a pounding headache

2. I fall back asleep

It is very rare that I get myself into a situation in which none is available, but let me inform you, I am not very pleasant.  The downfall about my dependency on caffeine is that after about two hours I begin to get tired and need more ASAP. (Thus meaning the cycle repeats itself)  However, I have been considering switching to 5 hour energy. If I do the math correctly, I can drink two a day and be wide awake all day.

Is this Sexy...

Is it just me or does her head look enormous!

At what point should you begin eating again? To me, this is too skinny. She looks as if she might break. It sucks that people feel so pressured to be thin. For example, Kelly Osbourne lost all that weight from Dancing With The Stars and she looked great.  However, she continues to shrink! I am afraid we might have a Nicole Richie (2006) on our hands.

Something that everyone needs...

I believe that everyone (all ages) should own some sort of piggy bank.  It doesn't necessarily need to look like the one above, it just needs to used for saving money. 

For adults, the thing to remember is that if you get a piggy bank that opens, chances are you are going spend the money you are tying to save. (just taking it out of the piggy bank is so much easier that going to the ATM) Children are not aware of the opening at the bottom of most, so for kids, the money stays in the bank. 

So, my advice to everyone is to go get a piggy bank that requires a hammer to open and start putting a dollar a day into it. How happy will you be when you finally crack it open and bills come out! Not just pennies!

Very similar....

As a loyal watcher of The Soup with Joel McHale (Friday nights at 10 on E) I came to a conclusion this Friday when Joel McHale referred to Nancy Grace as 'Helmet Head' and displayed this picture.  I was suddenly reminded of the picture below....   The similarities cannot be ignored!

My mother had this as her screen saver for several years just to get a good laugh everyday. 

Are those bulletholes....

If the orange jumpsuit didn't ring a bell.....

Lorenzo the cat...

Everyone needs to google Lorenzo the cat!  This cat loves wearing clothes and posing for pictures. How cute!

Karma...

This guy got what was coming to him by driving a truck with flames on it. It was only a matter of time...

Julia Gulia...

I love Drew Barrymore! She has proved to the world that she is not going anywhere and she is going to be fabulous at whatever she does.  Who doesn't love The Wedding Singer? (If you don't, you are lying to yourself) 

kids everywhere...

School is now back in session and there are plenty of new students running around campus.  The surprising thing is, everyone looks like this, twelve.  Either I am getting old or I am in he presence of some child geniuses.

They cant fool me...

Isn't the purpose of photoshop to make it look believable?  Their poses are even changed.  Why does everyone always need to look perfect?

Guess who is out of Rehab....

Linsay Lohan is among us once again. What kind of rehab did she go to if she left looking like this? She must have looked like hell when she entered.  My fingers are crossed for you Lindsay!

Here we go again....

I don't understand why there cannot be enough parking spots to accommodate for the number of students.  My campus is ten times worse than finding a parking spot on Christmas Eve at South Coast Plaza. I have become quite the stalker as I watch my victim and follow as closely as possible to ensure I get their spot.   To make it worse, school has increased the price by $75. Now I have to pay $220 to battle it out with other late college students.  I am not going to miss this. 

Way to kill a dream.....

I love that you can tell babies what ever you want and it doesn't matter because they have no clue what you are talking about. For example, my boyfriend often tells his one year old daughter that she needs to get a job.  It is when they start repeating everything you say when you need to watch your mouth.

Wow....

I must report that I have two friends that would love this car..... you know who you are.  I, on the other hand, not so much.  I will leave Hello Kitty to the 8 year olds.  You're welcome kids.

Where can I get one???

I thought my room mates cat was big!!! This must be a different kind...  It looks like she is holding a sack of potatoes.

Not bad....

(Look closely.. this picture is not what it seems)

I went down to Long Beach today to be shuffled around in the sea of people to see 'floats' be pushed off of the Pier; AKA The Redbull Flutag.  What was so different about my day was that we took the BUS.  Yes, public transportation.  I know what you are thinking, I had also heard the rumors about buses smelling like pee, I have to admit that it wasn't so bad.  Apparently everyone in Long Beach had the same genius idea as me  and the bus driver had no problem at all with breaking the maximum capacity.  It was a learning experience to say the least.  Needless to say, when it came time to leave, we got a cab.

Ouch...

I wish I had the after picture to this fall. I have to admit, she kind of looks graceful.

Don't you wish you could see the other chick's face as she watches her friend publicly embarrass herself?

What happened....

I have to admit that I love love love  Kourtney and Khloe take Miami.  My question is... What happened to Khloe? I don't get it! Why is she so big? Look at this, there is no way she belongs to them! At least she found a husband even bigger than her to not make her feel so out of place standing next to her perfect sisters.

This would be me if I was an Inca....

Everyone that knows my family knows that my dad has spent a majority of his life collecting sports memorabilia. The day has finally come when he can finally sell some of it. 

That's were I come in....  He is having me sell all of it on Ebay (I am charging a small fee). This is going to be a long process, wish me luck!

Floaters grab a lifevest....

As a loyal watcher of Big Brother, I felt the need to post about the most annoying contestant ever, Rachel.  Thank God she was voted off the island.  She was a scientist and a  cocktail waitress in Vegas. She has claimed on several occasions that she IS Vegas! So stupid! She fell in love with another contestant on the first day and the viewers were forced to hear her gross voice talk about him every day. "No one gets between me and my  man!"

I hope she watches herself on TV and realizes how stupid she is...

Why???????

I am so scared of this kid! It looks like a barbie came to life.  To all the mothers out there, if you would like to give your daughter self esteem issues and bulimia by the age of ten, take notes. 

This little girl will haunt me...

Im going to London...

This is Ruth Flowers, AKA Mammy Rock. She is the oldest DJ in the world.  How awesome is this lady! Who is down to go to the clubs in London to see this lady spin?????

Im over it...

If I have to hear California Gurls (thats how she spells girls) one more time I just might jump off a cliff!  Dear Katy Perry, after I kissed a Girl, you should have stopped!  Why do you feel the need to wear a blue wig on a red carpet? Why are you trying to dress like Lady Gaga? Why is your mouth open in every picture? We all know only Jenny McCarthy can get away with the open mouth. Please stop being so annoying. You and Taylor Swift should move somewhere and get out of my radio .  Thank you.

Beautiful......but boring!

How many times have you seen Bora Bora in movies and wished you were there? I have so many times.  After thinking about it, I have come to the conclusion that after an hour of looking at the ocean I would become very bored and probably fall asleep to dream about being somewhere better, like Las Vegas. Not saying I would turn down a free trip or anything, it would just require very good company to keep me entertained.

Sunday Morning....

Lets talk about how awesome Gwen Stefani is. Here are a list of reasons I love her.....
1. Who doesn't love No Doubt?
2. She is not a famewhore
3. She is always wearing red lipstick (even at the beach.. see above)
4. Her kids are the cutest ever
5. Gavin Rossdale...... enough said.

Lane Pool Car.......

I have always wondered about this. It is unnatural to read backwards, why do they do this? Sick joke!

Stroll and stuff your face....

Every summer Belmont Shore has a little festival, if you will, where people buy tickets to redeem for food. All of the restaurants set up shop outside on 2nd Street to promote their business.  I don't think I will eat for a couple of days....

Here is what I ate (I am not joking)

Chicken and pita

caramel apple

red velvet cupcake

one slice of BJs pizza

a Chicken Parm type dish

and a cinnamon roll

 (the best one in the world, get one from Sweet Jill's in Long Beach)

Poor cat...

My roommate V (name changed for privacy) and I laughed so hard we cried when we saw this picture. She has an orange cat and we decided that our cat MUST look like this.  So the process began....

First step, shave the cat ourselves....

That didn't work out as planned....

Instead of leaving the cat with a bald spot, we decided to get the job done professionally. (We called ahead of time to warn them what we had done)

We couldn't be more pleased with the end results! Our Shelby looks just like the picture above! Now we get a good laugh just by coming home.

On Wednesdays we wear pink....

What are we going to do with you  Lindsay...

I have so much hope for you.  It seems like yesterday that Tricia and I watched Mean Girls on repeat for six months straight.  My wish for you is that you put down the cocaine, move out of Hollywood, lose your parents, decide whether you are gay or straight, and attend meetings of Alcoholics Anonymous daily for the rest of you life.  If you follow these simple suggestions, I am sure you will be fine. (I know you are reading this)

Dear Chelsea, You have my blessing....

I love you Chelsea Handler.  Who else can I count on to report on the most important news daily? No one really likes Tori Spelling or Spiedi, yet you are the only one who has no problem telling everyone. 
I would also like to thank you for being a daily show because once a week would just not cut it.

Welcome

My boyfriend has commented on numerous occasions that I am like no one he has ever met and wonders what goes on in my head. I've decided to start a blog about the random things I think about. If you wish to know, here you go......